The flight of the sadbot

Once upon a time there was a poor cobbled old man. He lived in a poor cobbled little hut on the edge of a very small cobbled little hill. One day he built a plasma rifle and shot holes in all of the stop signs around his village until the cops came and took away the plasma rifle, which was fine cause he had a bjillion of them. This story isn't about him.. Wait. Yes it is. Anyway, he also built a robot. This robot was so amazing that it could fly faster than light. Now I know what you are thinking, "Lance, shouldn't that sentence have read: 'This robot could fly faster than light, which was amazing.'?" And to that I say, NO! Stop trying to correct me! GOSH!! I literally mean that the robot could fly faster than light BECAUSE It was so amazing. Sheesh! Will you shut up and let me finish my story? Thanks. Anywho, the robot was sent on only one mission, and so at the age of 500 miliseconds, it set off to complete the one thing it was designed for. Its target: the beta quadrant. More specifically the fourth galaxy to your left as you entered the quadrant from the north. Yes, the north.

So upward and outward the robot shot, like the tire of a huge tractor flung from the finger of a young giant. The robot rocketed toward the beta quadrant. The wind against its cranial tactile sensors. The music of Michael Bolton surging through its dual core processors. (Hey, people like different stuff, get over it) Oh, and to those that say that there isn't wind in space. The robot was there. There was wind. Accept it. Well, the journey was long and boring, because nothing happened during it, so I will skip ahead a bit.

Chapter 4: the Goat conundrum.

I can't remember what a conundrum is. The robot finally reached its destination, and released the terrific power of its weapon. The robot felt the locking clamps jolt open. It watched as the weapon burst from within its chest and was borne out into the empty black. The weapon seemed to pause for a short moment before ripping the dark from the emptiness of space into a violent bright-white light. A light that even a blind monkey millions of light-years away could have seen, except that he didn't, because he wasn't looking. Stupid blind monkey.

As the light began to slowly diminish, it sucked with it all of the happiness from the galaxy. All of the horrible, ugly, putrid happiness that had oppressed the many inhabitants of the galaxy. Everyone instantly became sad, just like the sadbot. however, because this was what the inhabitants of this particular galaxy had always wanted, this was considered a very good and noble deed by the people.

And that is how the coolest robot ever saved that one galaxy... In the Beta quadrant.


See the sadbot in action (don't forget speakers. This is a rockumentary.)

the end.
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