Hippo Man

I have been trying really hard lately to lose weight.  I mean, I have done everything under the sun.  I have walked up and down the stairs a few times, I have done sit-ups (well, I did ONE sit up, to reach the remote.)  I have also cried a lot about how fat I am, shouldn't that count for something?

Why can't the weight just lose itself?  I just don't think I should be responsible for every little....  Hold on a sec, I just got a hankerin' for a ham sandwich.

Ok, I'm back.  I haven't written a poem for awhile, so here is one that has been passed down through generations and generations... and then thrown away, but I snagged it out of the garbage:

Harold
-------------------
Harold was a lonely old man
and a sorry old man was he,
In winter winds through thick and thin
he ate til half past three.

This was a practice set in stone
and never would he budge,
But did this practice served him well?
I'll let you be the judge.

For on one blustery winter night
a stranger came to call,
But hunger forced that sad old man
to pay no mind at all.

The stranger, in a heated rage
set fire upon the spot
and turned and left the dumpy house
to turn from cold to hot.

If Harold felt the fire's sting
we'll prob'ly never know
for Harold sat and ate his food,
he loved his dinner so!

The point which I am making here
is one of loud forewarning,
if you eat too much at night,
you'll be sorry in the morning!

Life is like a roller coaster. It seems really scary until you summon up the courage to try it.  You have to really dig down deep, trusting that the experience could actually be fun once you get the hang of it.  And then, as you hear the last few clicks of the coaster car reaching the top of the first hill, and feel the awesome power of gravity as it begins to pull that car back to earth; It is at that moment that you realize what a horribly terrible mistake you have made.

No, it isn't your fault.  How could you have known?  I mean, yes, you read that brochure that another angel handed you describing the difficulties and seriousness of gaining a body.  But there isn't any way you could actually know what it was going to be like.  And just like the roller coaster, once you are on it, there is really only one way to get off early, and it isn't pleasant!

Now this may sound dismal and depressing, and it is.  But guess what!  There is a silver cloud to every lining.  And the silver here is: Silver!  What if you find a nickel on the roller coaster?  That would be pretty cool!

Let the lesson be this, lads and ladies: The less information in the brochure, the more questions you should be asking about the ride.

I wear a helmet, I wield a shovel.

Don't think of me as a hero. Just know that I am one, and that I am awesome. My staggering amount of moxie and class doesn't necessarily fall in with the actual feel and point of this post, I just think that it is something we should all be aware of. I am truly a beacon of truth-piercing hope wrapped in a milk chocolate cocoon of spectacular superness. There, I said it.

I may not be some jet-setting thousandaire, but when it comes to having an opinion about things, I really bring home the back-fat. I guess you could say that I am bringing back-fat back. Eat that JT.

I am reminded of a time when a telephone was just a telephone, and people weren't able to tell who you were if you prank-called them. But the caller-id ruined all of that. I think that technology in all of its greatness brings its own baggage with it. Fortunately, that baggage is a techy bag of wonders, oozing convenience and happiness. Technology is 150% super-radical, and has been proven to positively effect every single entity that is fortunate enough to be graced by its techy yumness.

If you are concerned by the stupidness of this post, I would like to take the opportunity to remind you that all of my posts are stupid. (except the last one about my grandma, she is pretty awesome)

The end

Grandma Whitaker

Arloa Orwin Whitaker St. George, UT Arloa Orwin Whitaker passed away on Monday, September 7, 2009 in St. George, Utah at the Dixie Regional Medical Center.Arloa was born on May 6, 1927 in Long Beach, CA. She was raised in Brigham City, Utah by Sadie and Will Barnard and graduated from Box Elder High School in 1945. Arloa was noticed by Darwin while she was walking down Main Street in Brigham City after his return from military service in the Pacific. She and Darwin began dating while she attended Brigham Young University and Darwin attended the University of Utah. They were married in the Logan, Utah Temple on March 21, 1947. After Darwin's graduation from the University of Utah, his profession took their young family from Utah, to Idaho, to Colorado, to Texas and back to Utah, where Darwin later retired. Retirement was short lived as Arloa and Darwin were called to serve a full time mission in the Singapore Asia Mission from 1989 to 1991. Arloa and Darwin moved to St. George, Utah in 1993. She loved her days in St. George with her many dear friends at Meadow Creek Senior Community. Arloa was an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints and served in many callings and capacities. She is and was known for her unwavering compassion and care of all those she knew and served. Her life was a life of service to others. Arloa loved the outdoors and enjoyed spending many happy hours at the family's cabin east of Park City, Utah. She loved the family reunions held at the cabin and the time spent with her grandchildren and great grandchildren doing crafts and watching the deer and hummingbirds. It was a little bit of heaven on earth to her. Arloa is survived by her husband of 62 years and five children: Suzan (Dr. Gary Strobel, Bozeman, MT), Barry (Beth Whitaker, Spanish Fork, UT), Lee Ann (Richard Starnes, Highland, UT), Brian (Becky Whitaker, Las Vegas, NV) and Brent (Marisa Whitaker, Rancho Santa Margarita, CA). She leaves behind 18 grandchildren, 19 great-grandchildren, her beloved sister, Sue Zundel, of Fallbrook, CA, and a legacy that will not be forgotten. The Whitaker Family would like to express their appreciation to all those who provided care and support to Arloa at the Dixie Regional Medical Center and Red Cliffs' Care and Rehabilitation Center. Your kindness did not pass without notice. Funeral services will be held Friday, September 11, 2009 at 11:00 a.m. at the Foremaster Drive LDS Chapel, 1740 E. Foremaster Drive, St. George, UT. Visitations will be held Thursday, September 10th from 6:00 to 7:30 p.m. at Metcalf Mortuary, 288 W. St. George Blvd., St. George, UT and on Friday from 9:30 to 10:30 a.m. at the chapel, prior to services. A short graveside service will be held Saturday, September 12, 2009 at 10:00 a.m. at the Brigham City Cemetery, Brigham City, UT. Arrangements entrusted to Metcalf Mortuary, 435-673-4221.

The following post was brought to you in part by: the German language.

Thus I that it would be interesting thought, for writing a Blogpfosten and for translating the whole thing into German and then back into English. Over that is, which this blog is whole. I do not have an idea, how she will fail, but I hope that, if nothing else, to read it is pleasing.

I received the idea, because I thought on, how learning English must seem to those, which learn her as the second language. Isn't it interesting, like our spoken source language the basis is real for, as we think internally in addition. I am surprised, how deeply that really goes?

I heard that average humans over 800 thoughts have a quintillion per unit of the time measure. O.k., let' s see, what comes out.

Hi all-y'allz. I haven't written in my blog for a LOOONG time. I'm not apologizing, just stating a statement. Truth is, I have never actually written in my blog. I have typed in it though, and I say 'close but YES cigar!'

So, recently Anne (some lady that keeps showing up to our family get-togethers) told me that I should never judge a book by it's cover, but by how thick it is, which she later admitted was her way of telling me to lose a few thousand pounds. Yes, Anne, I do own an exercise bike. What? No, of course I don't actually use it for anything. I don't think that I should have to actually exert any kind of effort or force in order to lose weight. I just think that I should be able to burn enough calories by the chewing motion that I make when I eat my food. I really don't think that is too much to ask, and I am the kind of person that believes in standing for a principle. Well... sitting / standing, they are both the same thing really. I also have to lift a fork or spoon from the plate or bowl to my face, and typically that spoon or fork (or spork) is heavy with some delectable delight, so I'm burning more calories right there. Come on mother nature, we don't have to fight like this. I care about you, and I know you care about me, so let's just stop the cycle of hurt (and the cycle of exercycling).

Anyway.. ANyway, I digress. I think.... I have never really understood that word. So, my real point is this: DO judge a book by its cover! If the author was too lazy, or stupid, to make the cover look ok, what would make me believe that he or she took any extra care with the contents of the book? Every author knows that the cover is the most prominent marketing real estate they will ever get in promoting their inane rantings that they have collected and spewed onto paper. If they have any hope of getting us people to buy their garbage, they have to sell us!! I make it a rule to NEVER purchase a book that doesn't have a great cover. I usually look for subtle clues that tell me that my time wont be wasted reading the book. Things like: A picture of a really sweet car or monster truck; A comical title printed in comic sans; Catchy clip-art of money; An ominous question mark. These are just a few of the things I look for. You might find additional things to add to your list. Here's the skinny: You get in and out of the library or bookstore WAY faster if you learn how to judge a book by its cover. And you save countless hours of reading stupid books that should have been avoided had you known what to look for.

This is over.

P.S. Mother nature, call me later, we can work this out.

New Poll

Ok, it's time to weigh in! Who would win in a wizard's duel? Gandalf or Dumbledore?

vote over there on the side --->

Re: Hired Help

Cameo is a person that I know by way of having been introduced to her and now I work with her and talk to her. Oh, and there is some family connection somewhere.

She wrote this post: http://c4m3o.blogspot.com/2009/02/hired-help.html

I was going to comment on her post, but I thought it would be more confusing, and thus more fun if I wrote my own post explaining my choice: This is that post: And here is another colon for good measure: I wanted to put a colon-cleansing joke in here but they were all horrible, or stupid, or horribly stupid:::

I would absolutely, without a moments hesitation, hire a wizard. White or Gray, I'll take whatever I can get. Ya, a cook would be nice, a maid would be great. But at the end of the day I can cook for myself. I mean, how hard is it to pour a bowl of marshmallow mateys, or microwave some popcorn. Also, I can clean. I don't. But I could if I wanted to. Stop rolling your eyes, you don't clean either. But using the same logic that Dwight Schrute has used: I can't summon my own army of boulder hurling trees, or tell a moth to bring me a large eagle to fly away on. I can barely begin to imagine my productivity if I had a quick quotes quill, but I don't. But a wizard could do that stuff for me.

I just realized. I really like Harry Potter, but when you compare him to Gandalf, Harry seems more like the Luke Skywalker of wizardry. Kind of whiny and overall not very useful. Gandalf would be like a mix between Yoda and Obi-wan. I mean, If I were in a dark alley, I could probably handle Harry, but I would run at the site of Gandalf. Although to be fair, Voldemort would have probably wet himself at the site of Gandalf. I know that's a little.. over the top, but hey, it's the truth man! Let's be honest here. That's probably why they don't talk about Gandalf much in the HP books. He just would have made everyone else seem lame.

Edit: Although I bet Gandalf and Dumbledore would have been pals. Which is the inspiration for a poll!! Yay, a poll!

Just some thoughts

I keep thinking about this. I hope it doesn't come across crude, but Why aren't there pregnancy tests for men? I mean, you always hear men saying things like "We're pregnant!" Which bugs the crap out of me, because either those men are really stupid, or I am missing something. I have only had 2 kids, but they both were carried by Fae. I am sure that she was always the pregnant one, I don't think I took a turn being pregnant for even a moment. Was I supposed to? Crap! Support and togetherness in the decision and the responsibility of the baby doesn't mean that both people are pregnant. Unless they are..??.. But then I come back to the original question, if men can be pregnant, where are the tests for us?

Now that I think about it, I don't think it specifically says anything about it being only for women on the package.... Oh shoot, my whole world is turning in on itself...

Hi

Sting is my favorite musical artist whose name is a verb. I mean there are other cool verbicians, but Sting!.. I mean... Ok, think about it this way: If you were trapped in a dark alley with some teenage hooligans closing in on you, or a evil biker gang bearing down on you, who would you want to see stepping out of the shadows to rescue you? The fray? What are they going to do, start messing up the edges of the bad guys' leather jackets? Heck No!! I mean it isn't very scary to hear "Watch out guys, the Fray! the Fray!!!!" The Fray. They are just one letter away from the Fairy. If I was a bad guy and one of my buddies shouted "Hey, it's Sting! He's gonna put the hurt on us!" I would probably lay my harley down and hot foot it out of the area, stat.

haha! I was just thinking about this one: "Oh no! Everybody get outta here! It's Oingo Boingo!! Theyz gonna bounce us up on outta here!!"

I don't pity the fools, but I respect those that do. One question though: Who invented the marshmallow. How do you even come up with something like that?

Back to Sting. Sting is pretty. Why can't I be pretty? Can't men be pretty? I want to be pretty. I don't want to be pretty like David Bowie though. Oh wait, I must be confusing freaky with pretty.