Apanthropinization

Sometimes hiding sounds like the best choice. People like to poke and prod and tug at my ears and my eyes. People think I should see the stuff that they see. I just see a lot of cardboard, pipe-cleaners, and paper mache........ Does anyone actually use pipe-cleaners to clean pipes? I have only ever seen them used to make hearts or flower stems or other such artaphernaliousnesses.

I like the smell of butter, and I like the taste of butter, but I REALLY don't like butter's attitude. It just sits there staring up at me saying "I'm cool, you go on and eat that bacon, I'm not going anywhere." But if you take your eyes off the butter for even the miniest moment, the butter is gone!!! I seriously do not know where it goes, and I know it was actually there and not a figment of my imagination because It leaves this buttery trail of forensics behind which I always send to the lab for analysis.... Well, I mean... Ok, I eat it. I eat the forensic evidence, but my mouth is as good as any lab, especially when it comes to butter. GOSH! I better stop talking about it or I will be up all night obsessing about how angry my fingers are at me for even bringing it up. They think I complain too much, and.... Ok, I'm sorry.

I have been told that the safest time of year is winter. Winter has an excellent hot-chocolate-to-my-face ratio. It also produces the most hyphenated terms of any season. If I live the rest of my life on hot-chocolate alone, I will be a warm and happy person. I mean... probably until I get really hungry. I get cranky when I am hungry.

I strive for one out of every poem, so here it is:

Ode of the eating
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Oh, cure of the crankies,
thou which art food for my face.
I eat thee and am full nigh unto sleeping.

I sleepeth not!

I must now clean mine house,
or suffer the sting of womanly knuckles,
against mine face.

Oh, parcel of continuance,
thou cookie of chipped chocolate!
Endure the assault of sharpened teeth.
I sharpen them according to the heart's desiring,
which now sounds kinda creepy.
I'm not a vampire.

I'm just not.
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Now I want to go to iHop. They should run iHop on linux. Or freeBSD. I mean, look. It already has the little "i" for the first letter. Now I REALLY want to go to iHop. Anyone want to come?

I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadows. If I fail, if I succeed..... I'm sorry people, sometimes Whitney creeps back into my conversations. I know, it happens to everyone, I'm still embarassed. What I was going to say is: I decided that I wanted to be an educator. I want to teach the truth of things via my blog, which you are now reading. To this end, I have inserted little pearls of wisdom here and there that I have learned from various people that I consider sagacious and phlyarologistic. Watch for these jewels of luminous perspicacity as they will be scattered throughout my writings. Please note, however, that many of these wise-folk dwell in a realm that I like to call "not-so-existent-or-truthful-land." It is a land of wonder, and above all, semi-accuracy.

One of the wisest sayings I have ever heard uttered is a saying that quickly and efficiently teaches us that we are all creatures of God and are all connected. It is a saying that originated in Central America, and is translated to read: "You can't have the Juan without the otter."

An old gargolomot of Gargolia, who was widened with age (yes, widened. He was as large as he was old. And he was VERY old), uh, where was I.. Oh yes, this old fatty said to me: "The duck and the monkey drink from the same pond." Which means: Even if you are awesome like a monkey, you still eventually have to talk to a duck here and there.

One of my most favoritorious of quotes is this one: "The lazy mouse sleeps within the snake." I think the meaning here is obvious. Don't be a mouse. I bet the snake never got eaten by nobody! Snakes are so much better than mice. Mice....

Well, I know that this entry was more pensive and deep and all that garbage, but I promise to write an entry later that.... I forgot what I was typing about.