I like apostrophes. I really do. I think they are great, and I find the rules regarding them easy enough to remember. However, as we know from spiderman, with great power comes great propensity for stupidity. or something like that.
I think properly used apostrophes are a beautiful thing. Equally, there is nothing that says "Hi, I live up in them hills with my banjo, my 50 cats, and my 2 teeth" like the blatant misuse of the apostrophe.
Let's take the apostrophe blunder that really gets my goat: Using an apostrophe to pluralize a word. PEOPLE!! If you use an apostrophe to make a word plural, I will come to your house and pull your toenails out through your nose!!!!!! Here are some examples: CD's for sale. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!n CDs CDs do you spell boxes like this: box's? or Pony's? How about Idiot's? NO YOU DON'T, unless your brain is made of kitty litter. Another example: (this one I actually saw on the side of a homeland security trailer) "Participating Agency's: Springville, Spanish Fork..." etc. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! I knew the government was kinda slow, but COME ON!!! If you have more than one agency, an apostrophe isn't helping you. The word is actually Agencies. No wonder it took FEMA so long to get to New Orleans. That was harsh, but not as harsh as I am going to be with the amoeba that made the graphic for the side of that trailer.
Here is my new rule: "When in doubt, just leave it out!" I promise you will look much less like a feeble minded rock-biter if you accidentally leave an apostrophe out than if you put one where it just doesn't belong.
In closing, I would just like to say this: I probably make plenty of punctuation mistakes, but I don't care. This isn't about me, this is about apostrophes. Stay focused, moron.
Making Plans - April 23
2 days ago
4 comments:
I am with you 101% on this one, bro. Except I think the plural of apostrophe is aprostrophe's.
ps-i sure hope you know thats a joke so you don't come pull out my toenails. ((shudder))
You should read eats shoots and leaves. Now there's a woman with a punctuation war-cry. "sticklers unite!"
I think it was Demi who decided to take seriously George Bernard Shaw's advice to leave the apostrophes out of contractions like dont. Does it need the apostrophe? No, no, it doesnt. Is didnt a different word than didn't? Unless you are wont to use a word like wont, it is pretty safe to leave them out!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You have antlyzed one of my main Pet Peeves. It's one thing when it's done by common citizens, but businesses and government agencies ought to know better. Don't they proofread these things?
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