Re: Hired Help

Cameo is a person that I know by way of having been introduced to her and now I work with her and talk to her. Oh, and there is some family connection somewhere.

She wrote this post: http://c4m3o.blogspot.com/2009/02/hired-help.html

I was going to comment on her post, but I thought it would be more confusing, and thus more fun if I wrote my own post explaining my choice: This is that post: And here is another colon for good measure: I wanted to put a colon-cleansing joke in here but they were all horrible, or stupid, or horribly stupid:::

I would absolutely, without a moments hesitation, hire a wizard. White or Gray, I'll take whatever I can get. Ya, a cook would be nice, a maid would be great. But at the end of the day I can cook for myself. I mean, how hard is it to pour a bowl of marshmallow mateys, or microwave some popcorn. Also, I can clean. I don't. But I could if I wanted to. Stop rolling your eyes, you don't clean either. But using the same logic that Dwight Schrute has used: I can't summon my own army of boulder hurling trees, or tell a moth to bring me a large eagle to fly away on. I can barely begin to imagine my productivity if I had a quick quotes quill, but I don't. But a wizard could do that stuff for me.

I just realized. I really like Harry Potter, but when you compare him to Gandalf, Harry seems more like the Luke Skywalker of wizardry. Kind of whiny and overall not very useful. Gandalf would be like a mix between Yoda and Obi-wan. I mean, If I were in a dark alley, I could probably handle Harry, but I would run at the site of Gandalf. Although to be fair, Voldemort would have probably wet himself at the site of Gandalf. I know that's a little.. over the top, but hey, it's the truth man! Let's be honest here. That's probably why they don't talk about Gandalf much in the HP books. He just would have made everyone else seem lame.

Edit: Although I bet Gandalf and Dumbledore would have been pals. Which is the inspiration for a poll!! Yay, a poll!

Just some thoughts

I keep thinking about this. I hope it doesn't come across crude, but Why aren't there pregnancy tests for men? I mean, you always hear men saying things like "We're pregnant!" Which bugs the crap out of me, because either those men are really stupid, or I am missing something. I have only had 2 kids, but they both were carried by Fae. I am sure that she was always the pregnant one, I don't think I took a turn being pregnant for even a moment. Was I supposed to? Crap! Support and togetherness in the decision and the responsibility of the baby doesn't mean that both people are pregnant. Unless they are..??.. But then I come back to the original question, if men can be pregnant, where are the tests for us?

Now that I think about it, I don't think it specifically says anything about it being only for women on the package.... Oh shoot, my whole world is turning in on itself...

Hi

Sting is my favorite musical artist whose name is a verb. I mean there are other cool verbicians, but Sting!.. I mean... Ok, think about it this way: If you were trapped in a dark alley with some teenage hooligans closing in on you, or a evil biker gang bearing down on you, who would you want to see stepping out of the shadows to rescue you? The fray? What are they going to do, start messing up the edges of the bad guys' leather jackets? Heck No!! I mean it isn't very scary to hear "Watch out guys, the Fray! the Fray!!!!" The Fray. They are just one letter away from the Fairy. If I was a bad guy and one of my buddies shouted "Hey, it's Sting! He's gonna put the hurt on us!" I would probably lay my harley down and hot foot it out of the area, stat.

haha! I was just thinking about this one: "Oh no! Everybody get outta here! It's Oingo Boingo!! Theyz gonna bounce us up on outta here!!"

I don't pity the fools, but I respect those that do. One question though: Who invented the marshmallow. How do you even come up with something like that?

Back to Sting. Sting is pretty. Why can't I be pretty? Can't men be pretty? I want to be pretty. I don't want to be pretty like David Bowie though. Oh wait, I must be confusing freaky with pretty.

The last appeal for 2008

Goodbye old friend. You are almost dead. I will never forget you 2008, until I do.

I am at Boydell and Jen's house, and we are all standing idly by while a year dies. Why don't we do something about it? a WHOLE year is in peril, and we are having a party??!! What kind of twisted world is this?

Did you know that 1 out of every one years die? That's 100% fatality rate. In fact, today there is only 1 single year known to exist, and it is dying as we speak!

The Klingons have a word for year, and it is un-pronouncimable.

I refuse to celebrate new year's this year. I think we owe some respect to the current one, and actually, I am not sure why it has to go? I don't think there is anything wrong with the current one. People are fickle, and end up throwing away perfectly good things, like years.

I didn't even do anything this entire year. There is a lot of tread left on those tires. What a shame.

Apanthropinization

Sometimes hiding sounds like the best choice. People like to poke and prod and tug at my ears and my eyes. People think I should see the stuff that they see. I just see a lot of cardboard, pipe-cleaners, and paper mache........ Does anyone actually use pipe-cleaners to clean pipes? I have only ever seen them used to make hearts or flower stems or other such artaphernaliousnesses.

I like the smell of butter, and I like the taste of butter, but I REALLY don't like butter's attitude. It just sits there staring up at me saying "I'm cool, you go on and eat that bacon, I'm not going anywhere." But if you take your eyes off the butter for even the miniest moment, the butter is gone!!! I seriously do not know where it goes, and I know it was actually there and not a figment of my imagination because It leaves this buttery trail of forensics behind which I always send to the lab for analysis.... Well, I mean... Ok, I eat it. I eat the forensic evidence, but my mouth is as good as any lab, especially when it comes to butter. GOSH! I better stop talking about it or I will be up all night obsessing about how angry my fingers are at me for even bringing it up. They think I complain too much, and.... Ok, I'm sorry.

I have been told that the safest time of year is winter. Winter has an excellent hot-chocolate-to-my-face ratio. It also produces the most hyphenated terms of any season. If I live the rest of my life on hot-chocolate alone, I will be a warm and happy person. I mean... probably until I get really hungry. I get cranky when I am hungry.

I strive for one out of every poem, so here it is:

Ode of the eating
-----------------
Oh, cure of the crankies,
thou which art food for my face.
I eat thee and am full nigh unto sleeping.

I sleepeth not!

I must now clean mine house,
or suffer the sting of womanly knuckles,
against mine face.

Oh, parcel of continuance,
thou cookie of chipped chocolate!
Endure the assault of sharpened teeth.
I sharpen them according to the heart's desiring,
which now sounds kinda creepy.
I'm not a vampire.

I'm just not.
-----------------

Now I want to go to iHop. They should run iHop on linux. Or freeBSD. I mean, look. It already has the little "i" for the first letter. Now I REALLY want to go to iHop. Anyone want to come?

I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadows. If I fail, if I succeed..... I'm sorry people, sometimes Whitney creeps back into my conversations. I know, it happens to everyone, I'm still embarassed. What I was going to say is: I decided that I wanted to be an educator. I want to teach the truth of things via my blog, which you are now reading. To this end, I have inserted little pearls of wisdom here and there that I have learned from various people that I consider sagacious and phlyarologistic. Watch for these jewels of luminous perspicacity as they will be scattered throughout my writings. Please note, however, that many of these wise-folk dwell in a realm that I like to call "not-so-existent-or-truthful-land." It is a land of wonder, and above all, semi-accuracy.

One of the wisest sayings I have ever heard uttered is a saying that quickly and efficiently teaches us that we are all creatures of God and are all connected. It is a saying that originated in Central America, and is translated to read: "You can't have the Juan without the otter."

An old gargolomot of Gargolia, who was widened with age (yes, widened. He was as large as he was old. And he was VERY old), uh, where was I.. Oh yes, this old fatty said to me: "The duck and the monkey drink from the same pond." Which means: Even if you are awesome like a monkey, you still eventually have to talk to a duck here and there.

One of my most favoritorious of quotes is this one: "The lazy mouse sleeps within the snake." I think the meaning here is obvious. Don't be a mouse. I bet the snake never got eaten by nobody! Snakes are so much better than mice. Mice....

Well, I know that this entry was more pensive and deep and all that garbage, but I promise to write an entry later that.... I forgot what I was typing about.

ponderings of a mute tubist

One is not the loneliest number. Three is, after one and two got married. They were all still friends but one had to get that job shucking corn 60 hours a week just to support two's gambling problem. I would tell you which was the man and which the woman in that scenario, but numbers don't have gender. Everybody hoped that three would find a nice prime number and settle down, but you know how that never happens. Three saw how one and two struggled to make things work, and to make ends meet while living in their double-wide down by the water reclamation plant. Three thought he would prefer to travel the world, but he settled for making pies. Well, he actually only started the pies and let other numbers complete them. I don't think any of the pies actually got finished, They were HARD to make, it seemed like there was always someone else that needed to add something.

Cinnamon is the number one cause of Tornados in the U.S. Don't believe me? Well, you will when you hear my proof!!!! Pass it on.

I hear people saying that violence is not the answer as they are throwing hand grenades at whoever happens to be nearby, and I think they are right. Violence isn't the answer to anything, it's just fun. Kinda like churning butter. You could just go buy the butter anywhere, but then you would miss out on the churning.

Love is like a ray of sunshine, it sounds nice, but when you actually experience it you get burned and decide to protect yourself from it. Oh, and it gives you cancer eventually.

I really wish that the gay community would give the rainbow back to the unicorns. They had it first.

In closing, I would like to leave you with a peom:

Night sky, way up yonder,
We all worry about you,
you seem to be eating
too many clouds,
and you cry a lot,
you pansy.

A wise man once said: "It is better to drink water than to drown in it." It took me a long time to understand the meaning of that saying, but I did finally understand the crap out of it!

Here's a similar saying: "If you like something a lot, don't smash it to pieces, unless it was meant to be smashed into pieces. If it was intended to be smashed into pieces, make sure you clean it up after you are finished with it, unless the point is the resulting artistic arrangement of the smashed pieces." Children from a young age understand this concept clearly and deeply.

Robots will never learn to moonwalk. Yes, they will someday visit the actual moon, but I am talking about that timeless move that Michael Jackson introduced to the world. Here is the reason that robots will never moonwalk: It's hard. Most people can't even do it right. How is a robot supposed to do something that defies the laws of physics? A robot can't go through the motions of walking forward and end up walking backward. A robot also cannot pretend.

I cried myself to sleep until I realized that I could just close my eyes when I was tired and go to sleep. Kids don't understand that even though they are having fun playing, or spitting chocolate milk at the cat, it's fine to go to sleep. they don't realize that they have no job or responsibilities of any kind, so when they wake up in the morning, they can just go right back to whatever they were doing. Come on kids! Give me a break. Also, kids can't count. Don't ask kids to count sheep because they can't, and even if they could it sounds like a really stupid idea to them because it IS a stupid idea.

I sat down to my computer and I really wanted to type a new blog entry. I know that if I don't type blog entries, I will have no way of passing on my knowledge to my posterity. Unfortunately, my knowledge is extremely..... non-existent. If you compare my knowledge to that of a library, I would be the library's little brother who doesn't know anything. So instead of some inspiring tome laden with wisdom and poetic imagery, you get me typing whatever comes into my brain. Like:

Trombone players think they are awesome, and they probably are.

The moral of the story is: "Loneliness is like not having anyone to talk to"