Hippo Man

I have been trying really hard lately to lose weight.  I mean, I have done everything under the sun.  I have walked up and down the stairs a few times, I have done sit-ups (well, I did ONE sit up, to reach the remote.)  I have also cried a lot about how fat I am, shouldn't that count for something?

Why can't the weight just lose itself?  I just don't think I should be responsible for every little....  Hold on a sec, I just got a hankerin' for a ham sandwich.

Ok, I'm back.  I haven't written a poem for awhile, so here is one that has been passed down through generations and generations... and then thrown away, but I snagged it out of the garbage:

Harold
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Harold was a lonely old man
and a sorry old man was he,
In winter winds through thick and thin
he ate til half past three.

This was a practice set in stone
and never would he budge,
But did this practice served him well?
I'll let you be the judge.

For on one blustery winter night
a stranger came to call,
But hunger forced that sad old man
to pay no mind at all.

The stranger, in a heated rage
set fire upon the spot
and turned and left the dumpy house
to turn from cold to hot.

If Harold felt the fire's sting
we'll prob'ly never know
for Harold sat and ate his food,
he loved his dinner so!

The point which I am making here
is one of loud forewarning,
if you eat too much at night,
you'll be sorry in the morning!

Life is like a roller coaster. It seems really scary until you summon up the courage to try it.  You have to really dig down deep, trusting that the experience could actually be fun once you get the hang of it.  And then, as you hear the last few clicks of the coaster car reaching the top of the first hill, and feel the awesome power of gravity as it begins to pull that car back to earth; It is at that moment that you realize what a horribly terrible mistake you have made.

No, it isn't your fault.  How could you have known?  I mean, yes, you read that brochure that another angel handed you describing the difficulties and seriousness of gaining a body.  But there isn't any way you could actually know what it was going to be like.  And just like the roller coaster, once you are on it, there is really only one way to get off early, and it isn't pleasant!

Now this may sound dismal and depressing, and it is.  But guess what!  There is a silver cloud to every lining.  And the silver here is: Silver!  What if you find a nickel on the roller coaster?  That would be pretty cool!

Let the lesson be this, lads and ladies: The less information in the brochure, the more questions you should be asking about the ride.