The tooth is out there

So I have been watching X-Files. It's cool. It's about this guy who runs around almost finding aliens, and then being really dramatic about everything. As you can tell, this post is probably not about the X-Files, but rather about another subject entirely: A tooth.

Not just any tooth. There was a time when I was free like a bird. An overweight bird without any wings, and with an allergy to sunflower seeds, but a bird nonetheless. Nonetheless? Um, actually alottheless. Anyway, this bird (me) had a dream. A dream to eat things without the sharp, bitter hand of suppression covering his small little beak, trying to stop the little bird from ever being happy again. The little bird tried to realize his simple little happy dream, but could not. For each time he stretched out his beak to savor the softness of an ice cream cone, or chomp on the crunchediness of a corn nut, his joy was thwarted by an icy jet of pain. A pain enough to make a bounty hunter cry. The suspect? The instigator? The villain? None other than a tooth, a spy. An "inside" job.

So what did I do about it? I'll tell you! I hired a master of one of the most ancient and darkest arts known to this part of the universe. A wizard wielding a power that makes grown men crumble. The power of dentistry. dun dun dun!!!!

Do you want to know what happens to a traitor in my employ? Well, first: He is stabbed multiple times where he lives and filled with an injection that paralyzes him. Makes him numb, unable to feel. Then, his insides are ground down from his head to his toes and beyond. Then he is filled with special plastic rods, and cement. After that, a special crown is placed upon his head, and he has no other recourse but to conform, and be still.

Creepy enough? Well, It's the honest tooth.