Monday, November 24, 2008

ponderings of a mute tubist

One is not the loneliest number. Three is, after one and two got married. They were all still friends but one had to get that job shucking corn 60 hours a week just to support two's gambling problem. I would tell you which was the man and which the woman in that scenario, but numbers don't have gender. Everybody hoped that three would find a nice prime number and settle down, but you know how that never happens. Three saw how one and two struggled to make things work, and to make ends meet while living in their double-wide down by the water reclamation plant. Three thought he would prefer to travel the world, but he settled for making pies. Well, he actually only started the pies and let other numbers complete them. I don't think any of the pies actually got finished, They were HARD to make, it seemed like there was always someone else that needed to add something.

Cinnamon is the number one cause of Tornados in the U.S. Don't believe me? Well, you will when you hear my proof!!!! Pass it on.

I hear people saying that violence is not the answer as they are throwing hand grenades at whoever happens to be nearby, and I think they are right. Violence isn't the answer to anything, it's just fun. Kinda like churning butter. You could just go buy the butter anywhere, but then you would miss out on the churning.

Love is like a ray of sunshine, it sounds nice, but when you actually experience it you get burned and decide to protect yourself from it. Oh, and it gives you cancer eventually.

I really wish that the gay community would give the rainbow back to the unicorns. They had it first.

In closing, I would like to leave you with a peom:

Night sky, way up yonder,
We all worry about you,
you seem to be eating
too many clouds,
and you cry a lot,
you pansy.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

A wise man once said: "It is better to drink water than to drown in it." It took me a long time to understand the meaning of that saying, but I did finally understand the crap out of it!

Here's a similar saying: "If you like something a lot, don't smash it to pieces, unless it was meant to be smashed into pieces. If it was intended to be smashed into pieces, make sure you clean it up after you are finished with it, unless the point is the resulting artistic arrangement of the smashed pieces." Children from a young age understand this concept clearly and deeply.

Robots will never learn to moonwalk. Yes, they will someday visit the actual moon, but I am talking about that timeless move that Michael Jackson introduced to the world. Here is the reason that robots will never moonwalk: It's hard. Most people can't even do it right. How is a robot supposed to do something that defies the laws of physics? A robot can't go through the motions of walking forward and end up walking backward. A robot also cannot pretend.

I cried myself to sleep until I realized that I could just close my eyes when I was tired and go to sleep. Kids don't understand that even though they are having fun playing, or spitting chocolate milk at the cat, it's fine to go to sleep. they don't realize that they have no job or responsibilities of any kind, so when they wake up in the morning, they can just go right back to whatever they were doing. Come on kids! Give me a break. Also, kids can't count. Don't ask kids to count sheep because they can't, and even if they could it sounds like a really stupid idea to them because it IS a stupid idea.

I sat down to my computer and I really wanted to type a new blog entry. I know that if I don't type blog entries, I will have no way of passing on my knowledge to my posterity. Unfortunately, my knowledge is extremely..... non-existent. If you compare my knowledge to that of a library, I would be the library's little brother who doesn't know anything. So instead of some inspiring tome laden with wisdom and poetic imagery, you get me typing whatever comes into my brain. Like:

Trombone players think they are awesome, and they probably are.

The moral of the story is: "Loneliness is like not having anyone to talk to"